TRIAL

test –noun
1. the means by which the presence, quality, or genuineness of anything is determined; a means of trial.
2. the trial of the quality of something: to put to the test.
3. a particular process or method for trying or assessing.
4. a set of questions, problems, or the like, used as a means of evaluating the abilities, aptitudes, skills, or performance of an individual or group; examination.

+++

At one point recently, I came to a conclusion that trails were a good thing… that I’d come to accept and appreciate them for their attributes of pressing me closer to God. That they were nearly almost enjoyable because I knew that when they came, in their abundantly nefarious ways, that it meant God Time! And I love that. So I was starting to love trails for what good they had in store with all their bad. A masochistic relationship of sorts I suppose.

But I realized tonight, that the image I had conjured in my mind of trails, was this ‘trial utopia’ where they would always come about in the same way, always stretch and push similarly, and be hard, yet mildly beneficial. That they’d all look the same. And because of that, you’d get used to them. Ahh yes, Trial, I remember you. You and I have business to do again, eh? Well alright then, I am ready. How has your wife been since we last saw each other?

Oh naïveté! Alas, we’ve met!

I look at a young teenager… they’ve reached an end, an edge to something more, and the trial bears it’s claws. They’re torn about it, and come for advice, and I look at them somewhat mockingly and tell them to ‘Get over it. When you’re older, you’ll realize that this isn’t even a big deal.’
Lame. That is part of getting older… that’s a trail, and the state of their maturity will match the difficulty of their trial, and as we grow and become more mature, the trials will become harder.

{No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course
of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God
will never let you down; he'll never let you be pushed past your limit;
he'll always be there to help you come through it.}
1 Corinthians 10:13

It’s like a video game – if you’re new to a game and you’re immediately placed in the hardest level in the final battle with the most powerful boss, you’ll lose. I don’t care if you’re a cat with 9 lives, you’ll lose them all! You have to go through the levels, and the stronger handle you get on the game, the harder it becomes. The further you advance, the more you become involved, the more the plot unfolds and thickens and the more skills you pick up on the way, the more directly you’re challenged.



To think that it will always be easy, that the more mature we become the fewer will trials spurn us, that as we engage into newer depths, we will be left alone, is idealist. Idealism is not per say wrong, but realism may prove more merit in dealing with what we are. That trails come and go, but as they wax and wane with time they also wax and wane in difficulty.

I cannot look at Trial the next time he comes about and nod to him, conduct a business transaction, feel some pain, and smile as we bid each other well until next time.

It is trial.
It is test.
It is fire to purify.
It is meant to hurt.
It is meant to grow you.
It is meant to sometimes sweep you off your feet, to blindside you and to knock your breath away.
To feel like drowning.
To feel like God is the farthest thing away.
To be completely at unrest, disoriented and anguished.
To be made ill by it.

Not common. Not the same ol’. Not utopia. Not always recognizable.

It is designed with intentions to knock you off the track hard enough to kill what it can.
And the stronger you are, the worse it may be.


+++

Trial, this game you play, it was not made for me. But Trial, I will take up arms, and I will man my ship upon this sea. For my God will not leave me be, and if perchance you kill, I will still be free. Trial, you and I, I cannot claim to foresee, but Trial, if you must come, know I will endure it for His glory.

+++

Be well,
K